When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
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