It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
