What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
