I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
so let's talk penis.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
