Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm both gender and math confused
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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