We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
