i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
