i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
