double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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