Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
