new low.... made out with someone while peeing
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
