Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
