WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
