what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
