dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
