apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
so let's talk penis.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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