Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
