i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
