My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Randomize
