This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
