so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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