I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
