I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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