I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
