If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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