they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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