I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
that's an acceptable place to lick
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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