People with herpes should wear stickers.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
