you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Yo dont text me then not text me
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
