you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
