Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
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