hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
...so i touched it.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
