Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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