she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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