My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
