I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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