you turned your livingroom into a bong?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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