Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
