I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
