I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You are the jesus of drinking
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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