Christians are straight up FREAKS
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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