If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
