ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
