I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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