It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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