I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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