I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
