I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
