I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
