My liver just broke up with me...
I smell stomach acid.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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