After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
