I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
