I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
