You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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