And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
