So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
