Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
