I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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